rush rush.

we are, as young people are like run out of time. did everything in rush, afraid if we are not like that we can't get what we want.

after graduate from high school, obviously we continue our study to the university with the aim ; we can find more knowledge and hopefully we can get a better job than if we are not have any degree.

for some people, graduate on time was a satisfaction. for self or for family. then we are in hurry to complete all subject and test just to have graduate in time. you can imagine how many hours we spent for studying, doing homework, or such a thing at that moment.

then, four years later... we graduated..

proudly wearing toga and bring tittle behind our name. not stop right there. again we rush rush and rush to find a job. sent application, had an interview, then voila. we get a job.

let's count how many hours we spent :

me for ex ;

9 hours working shift,

2 hours preparation for before an after work (overtime,come early),

2 hours long to get back home or to get the office (fortunately i rent a room so it was just at the end of the week),

2 hours preparation before and after get home. (showering, dinner)

8 hours to sleep (if possible)

so, total 23 hours. i only have 1 hour left for "me" time. and that circumstances above only for daily basis, not included if i have any needs to meet someone, to buy something or, anything else. i thought i need 25/8.

then why young people like us want to hurry and hurry like we run out of time? 

why old people drive their life like they have so much time?

the answer is....stop asking. :))

do your best, be patient, omnia tempus habent ; everything has own time, and it deserve to wait.

BE HAPPY, enjoy every second of your life, and DO PRAY. :))

GOD BLESS, may all beings be good and happy.

you will find the answer when you stop asking.

sometimes you randomly asking why your bus coming late, why traffic light become so long, why coffee shop been so full, and why these all things happen to you.

if you ever felt that way, you better stop asking.

i will make an example for you as me as an object.

before, i thought working in my office is one of a huge mistake i ever did.

far from home and family, all by yourself, and even paycheck never fulfilled your needs.

moreover i realized that my employment contract was a bullshit when i was bleeding to survive in this situation. i feel betrayed, mostly i feel stupid. then i asked, why these happened to me?

day by day, i just blaming myself, why i didnt do that, do this. why why and why.

then, after all these drama, im tired for asking. i stop asking and i feel, let it go, this is my way. 

such an lightning bolt, i realized :

i forgot what i already had instead of i way too busy to looking what i actually should had. i never realize, if iam not working in here, not survive for this seven months not as like other colleague did (several of them only work for two weeks), i never get any compliment from my superbigboss (which is after that compliments my credibility was count), or i never get job offering from korean, japanese people, neither i never get recommendation from my general manager to work with him in another five diamonds star hotel, i never had it if iam not survive.

yeah, not asking is the answer.

we are people, sometimes way too busy to looking what we want, even though we already had what we need, what God provides us. like bible said "birds never go hungry and flowers never get dry even nobody fed and watering them."  fyi, im not christian neither catholic, but i do believe that thought.

so, quit asking if you want the answer. :))

random.

iam single, and iam fabulous.

iam taken, and iam miserable. 

*exhale* again? is all about love story? dont you bored for (again) fall in the same hole, talk about the most bullshit in the world?

there's no fairy tales,and happy ever after didn't exist.

there's no prince charming who ride white horse. neither poor little girl become princess.

what we should admit is, this is the real life. like or dislike you should take it. and do some effort.

share something,

my work running smooth, but my love sucks, and my friends gone.

friend of mine ever said, "pick one, do not greed or you will lost both". sometimes it difficult how to face the truth, how to react with reality and how to accept life.

iam sad looking people's prewedding photograph. even its more to jealousy, but deeply iam sad. why i cant found that true love,or wondering when i will get that true love? saw their happy face, their deeply love, all family bless them and so oh, iam sad.

can not forgive yourself because of past decision, excessive remorse, and cant make any decision because of threats from other, that is me. 

last man standing, and iam tough. :)

happiness for free.

Every people, have its own meaning of happiness.

money, cars, houses, golds, family, spouse, pets, or any other possibilities.

Different people, different view.

And I, have own meanings of happiness.

Friend(s). it is.

When iam in the darkest part of my life, my friends always there whenever I needed and always support me even im not ask. They never get bored hearing all my complaints of life and love, wipe away my tears only by words, hug me tight by their caring, and cheer me up by their presence. I can’t expect more, with them surrounding is the best feelings I ever felt.

Friends, are when sorrows gone smiles, when tears gone laughs, and when mad gone wild. I never stop be grateful for everything what I had today. i believe that we all friend from past life and we met again in this present life because of some reason. fate. and im very thankful if i could be friends of you again in this present life. precious life.

Ps. this scribble dedicated to my friends who are in charge in my bittersweet life, you know who you are. :) 

**winky thank you for always exist in every stories of my life, thank you for your presence, its really peaceful when your ear and shoulder are so much better than an advice from whoever. thank you for talking with me in different way, such an enlightenment from God.

**maple thank you for slap me right of my face with all your words but still caring me by your precious love also always support me with all your stupid jokes.

**mechen, you are, the sweetest friend i ever knew, thank you for your effort to prove that you are a good friend for me, its proven. love you so much.

**marty, thank you for bring me so much laughs instead of tears what life did, thank you for understanding more than whoever in this entire world, thank you for not blaming and the most important is, thank you for not asking.

**vishal, thanks for your caring day by day tirelessly, words just not enough to describe for all of your kindness, may God always be with you, many thanks.

**danmo thank you for always show me all of my values when i only saw my weakness, thank you for reminding me that i am precious and i deserve a better life, thank you.

**ensul, you, cheer me up just right the way it is. well done buddy, standing applause for you. hope i ain't gonna lose you until the rest of my life. thank you.

**stady we are in same hell, thank you for sharing and support me and always put yourself-in-my-shoe, you are very strong woman with a lot of kindness advice and an outstanding empathy. i believe we deserve better than this. thank you so much.

**carju, last but not least, you always have different view of my life, even you knew its contrary from your own thoughts, you always deliver it in a good way just want to keep my heart feel save. thank you for your madness. i always forgot what my problem is when im with you. superb.

quit complaining.

"complaining will drain your own power, quantity of your brain and capacity of your happiness." -my thoughts,2012-

im sick listening people around me mocking on the street, yelling at bus driver, or even mumbling on their own. and sometimes i can easily contaminated by their attitude, i feel like they feel, then? i start complaining, in my heart. excruciating.

can we, accept all sh*ts without any head-on? without getting mad? can we just complain in smart way instead of emotional way? can we?

bad thing happens in every way, with every people, everywhere. but not in every time. so, storm will come to an end, bad things also. do believe, complaining is not good for your health, heart and brain. go live in peace. :)

life's sweet.

it’s over, im moving forward, forget everything, and forgive all. maybe it’s hard but there’s nothing to worry about.

I do believe if GOD always make the best plan for every part of my life. there’s always a reason why was it happened.

I do believe there’s no lost without any good replacement(s). GOD prepared everything which best for me. soon or later. just wait and do some effort.

I do believe Im not alone, there’s always people out there waiting for my presence, and could accept me the way i am and will loves me more than i will never know. people out there.

I do believe, past is past, time goes by and life goes on. no matter how hard it is you should to move on, never give up and always give thanks. :))

everything has its own timing, don’t force it to make it your own time.

let it be.

three months already with new job. i start to enjoy every single part of it. even many complaints, some unrespect, mentally abuse, i (try to) dont care. life's hard, dont get anything so serious. nobody did. :))

at some moment, i just thinking about this life; the harder you try, the hardest your life is. when you try harder, you expect more. when your expectation doesn't meet the reality that is the moment of truth, life seems hard.

why we do not go just the way it is, but not only accept where the wind is blowing. we still live in purpose, make your own dream and wishes tree, always believe that you can pass all stuffs in your life without any big fight, making friends all around the world, and dont stop share your smile, compassion, and encourage others.

remember, when things go harder, just believe it will pass and let it be. :))

ps.dont forget to forgive yourself. :D /di

just.....accept.

live it.

slapped.

thoughts.

Life is short, don't waste it for regretting, fill it with accepting what just happened to you and thankful for everything what you already had because that is the require to be happy.

Don't take any vengeance for those people who hurt you. I know that's easy to say but difficult to realize it. But come on! You just wasting your happiness for hating people, for ignoring them, or for humilating them. Trust me, live in peace really makes your life going smooth.

I try to forgive myself which is harder than forgive others, get a life and never look back to the past. What I am today is a fully bless from God, guaranteed.

new job!

aha! its been a month im working in new office. *its an apartment actually, but it's difficult to say it often in here. ;p * So, i think a month is enough to describe what actually i feel about working in here. basically, this place was nice. no more money on hands, no more tons of report after end of shift, and..... no team work at all.

week one : there are five towers in this residence (or i called "rumah susun"). im working in one of big tower with 129 units and penthouse, alone. yes, ALONE. can you imagine how hard im trying to fit in all tenants expectation stand by myself with no experience about residences at all? its hard man. really.

week two : i got my new motto : "your life in here is depend on who's security incharge with you." obviously, (senior) security more knowledgeable than new comers. they know the procedures, all tenants, and also what is do's and don'ts. incredibly, i was incharge with new security at that day (red: MONDAY ; which is the busiest day ever) even only for two hours, it's killing me. he asking anything, repeat: ANYTHING! hey you, did you know im the new comer in here huh?

week three : i miss my previous office. even stressed me out everyday, but at least....there's team work. many friends which you can share anything about guests, boss, or colleagues. in here, im the only girl in my tower. all colleagues mostly a guy, or gay actually *i cant distinguish it ever*.

week four : i enjoy myself working here. think the opposite of your thinking. if you can survive more than years with money, complains, and pressures at the same time, why you cant handle only two of them ? its just piece of cake honey.

God is Good.

im doing great, im just fine.

it's like rainbow color. there's red for anger, peach for love, blue for tears, green for fresh environment, and yellow for jealousy.

short story, im in resigning process and waiting for onboard in new place. i ever propose this resignation around 4months ago and my boss hold me not to leave this hotel. i show some respect, and very honor to keep patient working here. until my heart broken. i just feel betrayed by some people that i really trust that they never gonna let me down, but they were.

i realize, maybe this is my way that God planned for me, i never regret. i cant tell about my new place, im onboard at the end of this month. but im pretty sure, i will get better in there. do not afraid of loosing, because God already prepared the best one for you.

nothing left.

all gone, even the worst person also.

ive working as a hotelier for almost one year. with twelve person on pre-opening team, now only left four persons incharge. sad? of course. lonely? nothing worst. as you can imagine, we are coming together, be a solid team, working from big zero, but now there's nothing left.

the person whose stay only me, other gsa, my 1st duty manager and the bellman. and i still there because of them. if one of them gone, im not gonna think twice to give my resignation letter to my boss.

two months already i left by my two supervisors. they're in their maternity leave. such a big punch in my face when my 2nd supervisor had her last day on last week.

we're tough already to stand up with that condition for almost a week. then the craziest part are come. the worst person in my team be absent for a week and it's automatically get fired. so stressful. she ruined the schedule, makes me and the other work late until evening, and of course makes my boss crazy.

even though she is the worst in team, but i feel sad. i dont know why. seriously, i dont know why.

now im running in circle, no way out, no end. should i stay working in there or moving out?

billionaire.